Aachoo Voo, Private Eye Episode Four BIG d And Mr Sorryman

Aachoo Voo, Private Eye 
Episode Four

BIG d and Mr Sorryman

I made an appointment to go see Big david. I wanted

my money. I needed my money. The rent was due on

the apartment and the cat needed a new pair of shoes. Of

course, to get in to see Big david, you had to contact

Big Tony who had to contact Big Louie who had to call

Big david's secretary, Candy, who then put in a request

to Big david's bodyguard, Little Guido, who, if he felt 

like it, maybe mentioned it to Big david when he found

him in a mellow mood. Then depending upon whether

or not he was in the frame of mind to see a real live 

human, maybe the message was passed back down 

the grapevine to the lucky (or not so lucky) seeker of

favors. It took two days but I had evidently found favor

with the notorious gangster.

"Hey there, doll." Big david said, looking up from his plate 

of ravioli. "Sit down, take a load off. How you been? Some

Chianti?" And I shook my head and slid into the booth 

opposite him at Sterling's Silver Palace Saloon and Restaurant.

I'd heard there were gambling tables in the back and call

girls and moonshine stills, maybe even movie stars and organ 

grinders and I was a bit nervous. I didn't want to be caught

dead or alive there if the place got raided. My mother would

kill me. My grandmother would laugh but my mother would

kill me.

"Everything alright, Big david?" the owner of the joint 

asked anxiously, leaning on the back of my booth. "More

wine? Ravioli? Some dessert,  perhaps? What can I get 

for your friend here?" Indicating me. Big david swallowed

a huge forkful and said, "I'm fine. Tell the man what you 

want, Sweetheart. It's on me." I turned to look at John 

Sterling. He was movie star handsome, with a scar that

ran from his right eyebrow down to the bottom of his 

cheek. It didn't ruin his looks like you might think it would

but made him even more attractive. There was a palatable

fear in his eyes though, an anxiousness to please that led

me to suspect that Big david might have had something to

do with that scar. "Black coffee, thanks," I said, meeting his

eyes, "With two sugars." "Coming right up." he smiled and

hurried away.

I turned back to my host. "Now, about my money.." But he 

waved his hand and said, "Not while I'm eating ravioli. I

never discuss business while eating ravioli." So I waited

as he ate and when the coffee had been served, I sipped

it quietly and observed the patrons of the establishment.

It was an elegant place in a mildly gaudy way. Almost full

even at three in the afternoon. Ladies sipped tea, some, 

beer and wine. Some were eating pasta and laughing at one

another in that semi-high-society piety that I so detested. A

few of them glared at me as my eyes swept the room while

their male companions looked me up and down and nodded

their approval. One idiot held up a wine glass and toasted me

just before he was struck with a heavy alligator purse. I was

amused and also relieved that it wasn't me getting slugged 

this time.

Several tables away, I caught the eye of a dark haired 

handsome waiter and he turned pale and rushed off into the 

kitchen like he'd seen a ghost. Then I realized that he was a 

guy I had dated a couple of years back. I think his name was

Mario. The relationship had not ended well, (very few of mine

did.) I seemed to recall accidentally knocking his car out of

gear as we sat atop Lover's Leap Hill snuggling then arm 

wrestling as he tried to get fresh. Somehow, the passenger

side door had flown open. I had probably kicked the door 

handle with my foot and I had fallen out backwards and 

righted myself and looked up just in time to see the car 

going over the side of the cliff, Mario's eyes wide as saucers

and his sensuous mouth forming a gigantic O. 

"I forgot just what a gorgeous dame you are." Big david 

said, trying to get my attention. He had finished eating

and pushed the plate away from his sizable belly. He was

a huge man, tanned and tall and muscular. He had short 

dark hair and eyes the color of bones. Eyes you couldn't 

look into or you'd die of fright. He was wearing an expensive

suit and a unique ring on his right ring finger. It had some 

sort of odd crest on it. I found myself staring at it and trying to

see what it was. He cleared his throat and covered his hand

with the other. "Like I say, you sure are a good looking broad.

Have you ever thought of going into show business? I have

contacts in Hollywood and on Broadway. I could make a few 

calls.....call in a few favors......"

He paused to see if I was biting the bait and I shook my

head and said, "No thanks. I appreciate it but I'm not very 

talented I'm afraid." Silently in the back of my mind, I was

thinking, Lord knows that's the last thing I need:  To go out

to Hollywood and run Jimmy Stewart down with my car!

My mother would never forgive me. She idolized Jimmy

Stewart. Kept trying to fix me up with Jimmy look-a-likes.

It never worked out. I was a 'Robert Mitchum/ Marlon

Brando' kind of girl. I liked 'em big and bad with not much

to say but a whole lot to do. (Like fix things.)  (Cause I broke

things. A Lot.)

Big david was getting antsy. "Let's take a walk." he said,

trying to get to his feet. "Go down by the waterfront and 

catch some rats." I tried not to look dismayed so I

powdered my nose and said, "Well, as tempting as that

offer sounds.....I think I'll have to take a rain check. I 

have an appointment at four-thirty and besides, I already

have a pet mouse named Manny. He and the cat play war

games a lot and keep me busy cleaning up. So, I guess I'll

just have to say no thanks and run. So....if you could write

me out a check....." Big david leaned back in the booth and

gave me a strange look. (I assumed concerning my pet

mouse.) Then he said, "You turning Big david down, doll?

You shouldn't oughta turn Big david down. Big david don't

like no rejection, you know?" I swallowed hard and put a 

fake smile on my face and reached out and touched the 

mobster's hand, much to my distaste. 

"No, no, nothing like that. I just...I just need my money....

to pay the rent. I did a good job for your sister, didn't I? 

I found her husband, didn't I? By the way, whatever 

happened to those two?" I really didn't want to know but

I wanted to distract this romeo from his lame-brained ideas.

His face lit up. "Oh, yeah, yeah, you did a good thing, there.

We was really, you know, appreciative of all your good work,

me and Prudence. You know I don't deal with checks, right? 

But yeah, I got your money, honey. Maybe I just held off 

paying you so's I could get a look at that sweet puss of yours

again, you know?" Oh, geez! I smiled wider, pretending to be

flattered by this revelation. "But what happened to the...to the

husband and the girlfriend?" I drank the dregs of my coffee

and looked around to see if anyone was close enough to over-

hear our conversation.

"Well, let's just say that those two guys took themselves a 

permanent vacation!" Big david grinned proudly. "They 

bought themselves some beach front property down in 

old Mexico!" I gulped and reached in my purse for some 

gum. "Gee, that's nice." I said, feeling horrible that I had

had something to do with that real estate transaction. I 

had hoped for a messy divorce or something along those

lines, not this. But I had been just fooling myself. This is

the way mobsters solved their problems. It always involved

real estate.

 
Suddenly, Big david pulled out a huge wad of hundred 

dollar bills and threw them on the table. "Here, doll, help

yourself to whatever you think you deserve!" I almost 

fainted. What was I going to do? If I took too many, he'd

probably kill me. If I took too few, he'd be insulted. Rats!

I couldn't fail this test. It could be hazardous to my health

and career. I leaned over and took $2,000 and put it in my 

purse before I changed my mind.

I looked up into the gray eyes and a small smile flickered

across the big man's face. "You're quite a dame, you know 

that?" I shrugged. Then he took three more thousand out of

the pile and put them in my trembling hands and closed 

them around the money. "Here's a tip from Big david. You're

a good girl. I like you. I might need to ask another favor of 

you sometime. Now you run on to your appointment and 

don't worry. Me and you'll go walking down on the water-

front some other time." And he got up, grabbing the rest of

the cash, left a hundred dollar bill on the table and signaled 

to three of his henchmen seated at other tables. Aware of the

attention he was drawing, he tipped his hat and walked out

with a swagger in his step.

I sat there trying to get myself together as other patrons 

stared and whispered behind their hands and menus. I

heard the term gun moll several times as well as several

"Do you think Big Sophia knows?" Oh, good Lord! I 

looked around for the restrooms and spotting the arched

doorway to the back, hurried in retreat from spying eyes.

I touched up my face, combed my hair and washed my 

hands then made my way down the dark hallway past the

phone booths on the left. Something caught my eye. I 

looked sharply, then slid into the phone booth next to the

one in question and left the door cracked.

Pretending to use the phone, I inserted coins and rang 

my own apartment. The man in the next phone booth 

was dialing frantically with his left hand and tapping a

black cane on the floor outside he booth. He was wearing

a long black coat, an ugly scarf, had very long wildish hair

and I couldn't see his eyes but I was pretty sure they'd be

bleary and red. I turned a little bit, nonchalantly, you know,

and saw what appeared to be a black bag or satchel on the

floor at his feet.

My heart fluttered in my chest. No, it couldn't be! Could it? 

"Grandfather Sorryman, I've got it!" the strange man suddenly 

cried out upon reaching his party. "The book! I've got the book!

Our secret is safe! Wipe out the rest of those Arehtes and I'll

take care of this one and be on the next plane home! I've 

followed this creature halfway around the world and I'm tired 

and longing for the fires of Middle Earth!" (Middle What?!)

It was! It was him! The thief I was looking for! Oh, it couldn't be

that simple, could it? My cases weren't solved that easily. There 

was always bloodshed involved, usually mine. I hung up the

phone and walked back down the hallway. I waited until the 

crow-like man turned his  back to the door of the booth laughing

maniacally at something particularly funny (or heinous) that Old 

Grandfather Sorryman had said and then slipped by and caught

up the black bag, slung it on my shoulder and swiftly ran out of 

the door, across the restaurant and was almost at the exit when

there came a terrifying shout. "Stop, thief!"

  
I ran as fast as my high heels could carry me. The tall figure in

black tore out of the restaurant with a disbelieving look on his

ugly face. I looked back at him once and then crossed the street

in the middle of traffic, darting in and out, ignoring curses and

wolf whistles. The man in black was not so fortunate. They didn't

think he was that cute. They tried to hit him. He shook the long 

cane at them and screamed in rage. The sky suddenly became 

darkened and a peal of thunder seemed to shake the ground 

beneath my feet. I was almost a block away when he appeared

practically behind me. "No way!" I thought and ran faster. 

There were six people between us. One of them was a cop. I

hurriedly slid my own purse inside the black bag and kept 

stepping. "Stop that woman!" the villain yelled at the policeman

as he gained on us. "She's a thief!"

The cop started running after me, the macabre figure close

behind him. Then the cop stopped and looked at him, startled.

"What did she steal....your purse?" The man stopped and 

composed himself "Y..y...yes." He said, pointing his nose in the

air. "Yes, she did." He sniffed like he couldn't believe he was 

being confronted by a mere mortal. I crossed the street again

and shouted back, "But I only stole back the purse that you had

first stolen!" And I ran like the wind. When I looked back, three

more cops had joined the first one and they had the figure in 

black down on his knees with his hands behind his back. He

was sobbing. "Noooooooooo!" Then he cried with that terrible

face looking in my direction. "Nooooooo! It cannot be!" And I 

laughed and held up the bag, "Oh, but it is!" And then I ran

into the side of a brick building and knocked myself unconscious.

TO BE CONTINUED........in Episode Five

                   *

Episode 5 link  click here

david from Myspace...



                                                                                      Big david the mobster





       Boris Karloff as Souron                                                                                      

Gary Cooper 
as John Sterling       

                                                                                                                                                         
John Sterling   

Manny the Mouse

Manny the Tiger